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7 Things That Sabotage Your Success

Despite our best efforts to achieve success, we find ourselves knocked off course time and time again. It’s discouraging, draining, and thoughts of giving up are common. I have certainly felt this at each turning point in my evolution.  However, you may be guilty of self-sabotage and not even know it. Read how the 7 Things That Sabotage Your Success could be affecting your life:

1. Self-limiting Beliefs

Nothing zaps your confidence like self-limiting beliefs (aka excuses). If you’ve ever thought:

  • I’m not rich enough
  • I’m not smart enough
  • I’m not sure I can be a success
  • It’s too difficult for me

These kinds of thoughts put the brakes on your path to success. Our subconscious thoughts manifest into a self-fulfilling prophecy and you will end up getting in your own way. When these thoughts creep into your consciousness, ask yourself: “What am I getting from thinking these thoughts?” For example, if I think “I’m not smart enough,” it takes the pressure off of me to ever learn more and gain the necessary knowledge to get to my goal. I gain permission to NOT go after my dreams because I have an “out” and won’t have to change my negative pattern of behavior. Be aware of when doubt creeps in, and address why you’re having these thoughts.

2. Friends & Family

This might be surprising, but even people closest to you could unintentionally (or intentionally) sabotage your success. Well-meaning parents or friends will give you advice based on their own experience, limits, filter, and measure of success. Sometimes they react to your success with jealousy, confusion or fear and they may subconsciously work to derail your progress. Of course, it’s completely ok to ask friends and family for advice, but remember that only you know what is aligned with your own version of success. Even if you love and value their opinions, try not to let your friends and family lead you too far astray from your own course. What was successful for them may not necessarily be right for you. Listen to your own inner voice.

Read Also: How to Define Your Version of Success

3. Procrastination

Our time on this earth is finite. Most people delay going after their dreams because they think “I’ll have more time to do it later.” But later may never come, and if you’re not pushing towards success, nobody else will do it for you. Stop sitting on the sidelines talking about everything you’re going to do, and go out and do them now!

4. Not Wanting to Put in the Work

Success doesn’t come easy, so why do we think we’ll just wake up one morning and have it all without putting in the work? Most of the behind-the-scenes of your hard work towards achieving success won’t be glamorous or necessarily “fun”. Showing up day in and day out with intention and purpose will move the needle towards success.

5. Lack of Patience

In today’s world of instant gratification, it’s no wonder that we expect success to come overnight. However, what you may not realize from these “overnight successes” is that it took 10+ years of patience and hard work for people to start paying attention. It took consistency over a long period of time to get them to where they are now. The road to success may not always be a straight shot, sometimes you have to take a few different paths, but the consistency at which you move towards your overall goal is what will make all the difference.

Read Also: Future-Proof With Micro-Careers

6. Distractions

It’s so easy to get distracted – by life, by others, by your own thoughts. Maintaining focus on your goal is an important aspect of achieving your version of success. I know it’s tempting to delay success or get sidetracked because something else shiny and fun comes along, but holding on to your inner purpose and goal will help keep you on track. If you find yourself continually choosing your distractions over your goals, you should reevaluate how much you really want to achieve success.

7. Negative Attitudes/Blaming

The #1 thing that can sabotage your success is a negative attitude. Some people focus all their energy on what isn’t working and put a negative spin on pretty much anything happening in their lives. Your energy goes where you focus, and if you focus on negativity and blaming, that’s all you’ll get in return. Instead, harness challenges that come to you by flipping the script and ask:

  • What can I learn from this experience?
  • How will this current challenge protect me against future issues?
  • What am I winning at right now?

Each new challenge presents an opportunity to learn and grow, ultimately helping you achieve what you want. Conditioning yourself against negative thought/blame is one the best things you could do to create space for success.

What has been the biggest challenge for you on your path to success? Tell me below!

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Wishing you all the success in life,

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Future-Proof With Micro-Careers

Food for thought: Your current job may no longer exist in 10 years. Yes, that’s quite a bold statement, but here’s why I think we should be prepared for the inevitable. The rate of technological advancement is exponential, yet the way we think about work and career are still very linear. Most future projections indicate that machines/AI will either force us to adapt how we work alongside tech or eliminate some jobs altogether; giving rise to new industries we have yet to consider.

What does this mean for us? Instead of dedicating all of our working years to only learning 1 skill, in 1 industry, in 1 career, we need to shift our focus from climbing up a corporate ladder to building out a web of skills to help us weather the future storm of progress.

So then the question becomes, how do we prepare for a future where the jobs we’ll have in 5-10 years hasn’t even been invented yet? I want to introduce to you the concept of “micro-careers”:

What is a Micro-Career?

A micro-career is a series of either related or unrelated jobs and careers for the purpose of rapid skill acquisition across various industries and verticals. Think of it as training for the modern day renaissance man/woman. We can’t possibly know exactly what will become of the workforce in the future, but having a collection of transferable skillsets across industries is a strong start.

Start thinking about your career as you would a financial portfolio.

Your time and energy are investable assets that you should diversify, prioritize, rebalance, in order to move towards your version of success. If you invest all your time in a single career, you risk losing out on creating a foundation in another career vertical that could prove to be more lucrative in the future. As the job market becomes increasingly more competitive, with new needs and skills required for a future with AI and tech, the risk of becoming redundant is a very real threat if you’re unprepared. The key is to hedge your bets that the future will create jobs that could suit someone with a diverse skillset.

What Micro-Careers are NOT

I’m not encouraging you to jump from job to job like some manic career shark. Jumping ship at the first challenge is NOT what micro careering is about. If you spread yourself too thinly without gaining actual transferrable skills, you’re building a weak career portfolio. Rather, I’m advising that you are very deliberate with the types of skills you want to acquire and integrate into your future career. Some technical skills will take years to master to the point of it being useful (ie, medicine), or some skills you could learn in a few short years (ie, social media marketing). The skills you choose to focus on will depend on how it aligns with your passions, future job trends, and your own ability to grasp each skill.

It’s not about picking the perfect job for 10 years down the line. It’s about picking jobs based on what skills you want to learn, and collectively how future-proof it could be. It’s very rare to find a single job that is ultimately satisfying for all of eternity, but perhaps you could look within your current job/company to learn new skills to help you down the line. Life happens, people change, families grow, your interests change, but knowing you have a great bank of skills to choose from can ensure you are prepared.

Who Are Micro-Careers For?

Everyone. From the new graduate to those in a stable job, it’s never too late to start learning and adapting for a future job market that demands a varied background. A skill is a skill, nobody can take that away from you. Even if you’ve been in a stable job, think about what other skills you can add that will help enhance your current role or even help make the transition to another job. If you’re not sure where to start, consider learning skills that align with your passions.

 

What do you think? Do you think micro-careers will work for you? Why or why not?

How to Define Your Version of Success

How we define success can either positively or negatively impact our happiness, depending on the source of influence. So often in life, we get distracted by other people’s/society’s version of success. Feelings of inadequacy and failure are common when success is influenced by subconscious programming from external sources. These subconscious ideas of success from media, our friends or our own family are seeded so deep we swear it was our own idea. If you’ve ever felt a small level of growing dissatisfaction in your life, consider this:

The success you’re chasing might not actually be your own.

The key to reprogramming your definition of success is to shift the source of influence from external to internal. There are two steps to define your OWN version of success that will lead to more fulfillment in your life. Ask yourself the questions below:

Removing what is not your version of success

1. What is motivating me to reach success currently? – Take a hard look at what is driving you. Is it influenced by external pressures to keep up with the Joneses, or seeking approval from family/friends? Is it ego? Is it money?
2. Is my current definition of success the same as people around me? – Success is a very personal goal, and if it’s pretty much the same as those around you, perhaps you’re getting swept up in their version of success and not yours.
3. If nobody was watching/validating my success, would I still be doing what I’m doing now? – A lot of what we do is a direct reaction to how we want others to perceive us. Do you strive for success for yourself or to gain recognition/money/power? If the answer to this question is “no, I would not still be doing what I’m doing now”, go back to question #1 above.

By becoming more aware of external influences that shape your current success trajectory, you can start to remove those that don’t serve your life goals. Shed the noise that’s distracting you from achieving your success.

Identify what success actually means to you

1. Who do I aspire to be like? – Think about the people you admire, what qualities do they have? Are people you aspire to be like successful in particular ways that may not necessarily match with what you see in the media as “successful”?
2. What values and principles matter to me? – Is it quality time with family? Finding a work/life balance? Working in an authentic way that brings you joy? Making an impact on society?
3. If you could start over, what does true happiness look like in your life?  – After clearing what isn’t your version of success, visualize what happiness looks and feels like to you. How do you feel when you think about achieving happiness? What are the things you’re doing? Who is in your life? How are you impacting others? Find the link between your passions, your core values, and how you impact the people you care about in your life = success.

Defining your own version of success gives you a new north star to guide you on your path. You’re no longer distracted or caught up by what other people are doing. Success is not a comparison game, and it’s something that is achieved internally.

If you spend your whole life trying to chase other people’s version of success, you’ll only end up dissatisfied or inadequate.I’ve felt this exact way,after all the promotions, the money, the title, and everything on paper…it was a lonely and hollow “success”. I hope that by sharing the lessons I’ve learned about chasing external versions of success will help you to redefine your own version to live a happy and fulfilling life.

Sending love and light,
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The Words We Don’t Speak

When it comes to voicing our love and appreciation for the people in our lives, how much goes unsaid?  Why is it that we go years without telling people how we genuinely feel about them and how much light they bring to our lives? I’ve experienced some heartbreaking losses in my relatively short time on earth….an uncle to stomach cancer, a good friend to suicide, a grandfather to a stroke, and the list goes on. But the one regret I had across all of them, was that I didn’t get to tell them just how much they genuinely gave me strength, support, and love in my life.

Why do we wait until it’s too late before we give voice to the love stirring in our hearts? Is it laziness? Do we just assume they already know? Do we think it’s not worth our breath?  I suppose it’s human nature to always think “there will be a next time”….until there isn’t. The philosopher Seneca said,

“You squander time as if you drew from a full and abundant supply, though all the while that day which you bestow on some person or thing is perhaps your last.”

We are not immortal, and there’s no guarantee you nor your loved ones will be around to hear the words “YOU ARE LOVED.”

I intimately know how short and unpredictable life can be, and probably a big reason I live the way I do. However, there is one practice I’ve started to integrate into my life that has changed how I connect with people – friends and strangers alike – and that’s to always take a moment to directly tell them how much I appreciate them. It takes such little effort on our part but could mean so much to the other person. Speaking your truth and spreading love directly into the hearts of the people we care about has an immediate and lasting effect.

Here’s an easy way you can integrate this practice in your life: When something triggers a thought about a loved one (no matter how random), call/text them to say that you’re thinking of them and share specifically why you appreciate the friendship/relationship. I believe these random thoughts are not random at all, but the universe or our subconscious nudging us to connect. Everyone is living their own struggle, and your words could be the light that gives them strength in a moment of need.

Your words are powerful, use it to cultivate love and connection to those around you.

3 Steps to Find Your Passions

Let’s talk about how to find more passion in your life. After asking a few friends about their passions, many seemed to struggle with an answer. They shrugged it off with “I don’t have any passions” or “I haven’t found mine yet”. This was simply not true, as I knew for a fact they had many passions including surfing, design, travel, and music. So why did they think they lacked passion in their lives?

To many, “passion” is a loaded word…dripping with expectations of pure all-consuming excitement for something that also brings meaning and purpose to their lives. However, this view of “passion” isn’t completely accurate. Somewhere along the way, our society has concluded that passion = purpose. However, these are actually two different things.

Purpose is your reason for being; the thing that gets you up in the morning. It’s the driving force in your life that brings you ultimate fulfillment. Passion feeds into your purpose.

Passions are things or activities that get you excited or light a fire behind your eyes. You can be passionate about a number of things in your life that may not necessarily be your purpose. However, starting with passion will guide you to discover your purpose.

 

Finding passion in your life is very attainable. Perhaps you already have many passions and didn’t even realize it. Here’s an easy way to tell, fill in the blank:

I can do/talk about __________ for hours because I love it!

 

If you feel like you haven’t found what you’re passionate about yet, there is a method you could try to distill your passions from interests:

FINDING PASSION STEP 1: Starting With Interests

Make a list of all the things that you’ve ever been slightly curious about. Start to do some research to find out more and see what actually catches your attention. This stage is about gathering information to determine if there’s anything new you’d like to try or learn.

FINDING PASSION STEP 2: Trying Out Hobbies

From your initial interests, pick a few you’d like to pursue a deeper understanding through action. This stage is about trying out or learning a lot of different things to see what interests bring you enjoyment. You don’t have to be the best at it, but if you find that you want to continue to try/learn, it becomes a hobby.

FINDING PASSION STEP 3: Identify the Source of Excitement

Eventually, you’ll discover that some of your hobbies consume more of your time and excitement. Start to become aware of what conversations make you perk up, what activities leave you energized and excited, and what hobbies allow you to be more present and focused. Identify the source of your excitement, and continue to pursue your passions.

I hope this was helpful in finding more passion in your life! Please let me know below what you’re passionate about, or how you discovered your passions?

The 1 Thing to Make Your Year Great

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It’s the start of a fresh new year! I’m willing to bet that most of you have already made a list of new year’s resolutions, milestones, and other things you’d like to achieve this year (like you probably do EVERY year)…BUT, I want to simplify your life by asking you to do just 1 thing. This one thing will create a shift in your perspective that will guide the rest of the year to make it great.

Ready?

Write this down or repeat this to yourself:

I WILL CONSCIOUSLY & ACTIVELY CHOOSE MY LIFE

 

Yes it seems deceptively simple, but let me break down 3 reasons WHY this is effective:

1. It puts the responsibility on YOU

It’s a major mindset change for many because people like to blame external circumstances for reasons why they CAN’T do something. This shifts the responsibility to the “other”…when the entire time YOU have the responsibility to yourself. Even if you have goals set out for the year, you will tell yourself, “oh, well I couldn’t do this or that because I didn’t have the perfect situation or I didn’t have enough time…” ACTIVELY CHOOSE YOUR LIFE = to be active doesn’t mean you let things fall into your lap or let it happen to you…it’s going to take work. But you’re working and choosing for yourself and that’s important.

2. It gives YOU more control of your future

Let me ask you, how many times do you wake up and realize 3 months have passed and you’re not sure what you’ve been doing that whole time? That’s you on autopilot. No matter how great your intention for yourself this year, NOTHING will happen if you live in auto-pilot. CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE YOUR LIFE = to be conscious is to be aware of every choice you make, even if it seems small. Automatically doing things because you’ve always done it, or saying “yes” to things that you don’t want to be doing or focusing on people and situations that don’t nourish your vision…that’s not being conscious, that’s letting other people decide your future. That’s you not consciously deciding. This year it’s time to wake up and take control.

3. It will help you OWN your life.

It’s ok if you have moments where you feel like a failure – because trust me, you and everyone else will continuously fail – but having the thought that you’re choosing your life makes it possible for you to always course correct and find yourself back to center again. Nobody else is living this life, not your parents, not your friends, not your boyfriend or girlfriend. You are 100% going to choose your life – through the wins and the challenges – it will be authentic because it’s YOURS.
 

If you need a little reminder, I made some free phone backgrounds you can download below. Enjoy!

I wish you all a wonderful year ahead and sending everyone lots of light and love.


3 Best Gifts of Presence (Not Presents)

As families gather and friends reunite this special time of year, it’s easy to get caught up in the holiday buzz of gifts, Christmas movie marathons, and enjoying one too many glasses of mulled wine. I’ve been there: I fly home a few days before Christmas, and in a whirl of social catch-ups and a flurry of last-minute shopping and gift wrapping later, I find myself back on the plane with a massive credit card bill, 10 lbs of extra weight from one too many Christmas dinners, and the distinct feeling I didn’t get quite enough quality time with everyone I wanted.

When it comes to holiday gatherings (or any reunions for that matter), are we actually lacking the greatest gift of all – being genuinely and fully present with those we love?

I’m not telling you NOT to give gifts, especially if it’s meaningful and comes from a place of love. I’ve just come to realize how much of our limited time during the holidays is actually spent completely distracted.

Here’s a true story: one year our family went away to Utah for some hiking and skiing – the whole family including cousins, aunts, uncles, and even grandma was there! However, due to demands of my crazy start-up job and my own addiction to my phone, I spent the majority of the time working by myself on my laptop, texting friends, and mindlessly scrolling through Facebook. To this day, I regret not being more present in the moment and sharing more amazing memories with my family.

Instead of giving my family my full attention and presence, I’ve squandered a chance to deeply connect.

Here are the 3 simple things to do to stay more present this holiday season:

Presence Tip #1: Put Your Phone Away!

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I know it seems deceptively simple, but when you meet your friends or family for a meal or a catch-up, put your phone on airplane mode. Do not put it on the table, put it away and out of sight (in another room or in your bag). Studies show that even the visual cue of seeing your phone could take your attention away from the present situation. By putting your phone away, you’re honoring your time with the other person and signaling that you value and prioritize the relationship.

Presence Tip #2: Actively Listen

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Part of being present is to fully listen to the other person. This is something I struggle with. When I’m excited, I tend to blurt out everything on my mind, and don’t give pause to really listen to them. I make it a point to ask more questions about them, and try to listen to what they’re saying between the checklist of updates. Are they happy about something? Struggling with something? Where is there an opportunity to connect and be a good friend/daughter/sister?

Presence Tip #3: Live as Though Social Media Didn’t Exist

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How many times have you heard this phrase, “picture, or it didn’t happen”? Our need to constantly document everything can be exhausting. How often has the flow of conversation and energy been interrupted because of an awkward photo, a need to craft the perfect caption, or checking our likes? When we’re spending time with our loved ones, let’s try a bold experiment – try NOT documenting! (Gasp!) It seems crazy, but once you remove the pressure of social media documentation, you’ll find yourself settling into a much more authentic and relaxed flow. It’s ok to let go!

 

I hope these mindful tips will help you connect more deeply with those you love this holiday season (and always!). Tell me, have you tried any of the above? Let me know below.

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Sending lots of love and energy, and happy holidays!

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